Did I Mention I'm a Love Guru?

Facebook is like a peephole into your friends' bad decisions.  I constantly see many of my single friends posting about one bad relationship after another.  Many of these ladies have been my friends for more years than I've been alive (considering I am only 23 and I've known them for three decades.  It adds up in my head.  Shut up.)


Knowing them as I do, I know they are not stupid.  But just as men tend to think with their junk (peeps?  little friend?  I am really have a hard time with a non-offensive yet non-clinical word here), a lot of women think with their hearts.  And unfortunately, their hearts want to take a bad boy and make him good.  Ladies, THIS NEVER HAPPENS!  Your guy who cheated on his wife/girlfriend with you is not going to suddenly reform because he is so in love with you that he never wants to look at another woman. Oh, he's looking all right, so don't feel sorry for yourself when you find out he's been creeping with some chick named Candy.

My husband told me last week that I am like Christina Yang from Grey's Anatomy.  Why, you ask?  Because I have the ability to shut off all emotion.  Some may take this as an insult, but not me.  I see it as a gift (and I'm lucky to have a man who appreciates it). 

He is totally right.  Anyone who has ever seen me truly hit my tipping point, and there aren't many, knows that when I get strangely calm, you should be afraid.  Very afraid.  I actually made a male attorney cry once.  Another once told me after witnessing my wrath toward another, "Damn!  You would cut a girl!"  It's true.  I would.

While this "talent" would probably be seen as a character flaw by many and therapists across the land could write books on me, it has served me well.  At least since I was a teenager, I have not been that girl who falls for a guy who treats her like poo while she follows after him like a puppy only to be dumped/cheated on/abused/otherly dastardly deed.  (Ooh, "dastardly!" I need to bring this word back into modern usage!  But I digress.) 

But at least that much is understandable.  We have all been played for a fool at some time or another.  Let me be clear that I don't blame you if you've been cheated on, lied to or abused.  At least not the first time.  It's what comes after that never ceases to amaze me.  These women go back for more time and time again.  (Thank you, sir, may I have another?)  Do they really believe things will be different the twenty-third time?

Some of you reading this may be wondering if I'm talking about you.  Chances are that I'm not.  But if you're wondering, it's probably best to assume this is about you, for your own sake.  I beg of you, please stop doing this to yourself!  Even though I am mostly devoid of emotion, my heart does break for you a teensy bit.  Well, at least it does for a little while, then I just start thinking you must enjoy it in some weird way.  Then I stop feeling sorry for you and start to get annoyed.  So stop it.

A lot of you are probably also thinking that I must think pretty highly of myself to be dispensing such unsolicited advice.  I really don't and those who know me know that I'm am screwed up in all kinds of ways that would scare the bejesus out of Sister Mildred down at the Mansion on the Hilltop Baptist Church.  And my own relationship is far from perfect.  (Take now for instance.  I'm sure Mike would rather I be folding towels or doing dishes instead of stealing his laptop and blogging at the kitchen counter.)  Don't for a minute think I'm not second-guessing every move I make.

I am a true believer that you cannot be happy in a relationship until you are happy being alone.  If you don't want to spend time alone with you, what makes you think anyone else does?  Get yourself together so you have something worth sharing.  Your friends can see you're worth it.  If you give yourself a minute, you will see it too.

Now go dump the loser then come back and tell us how it went.  I'll go get a glass of wine and wait.

Love ya bunches friends,

Stacy